Mission Accomplished

I wake up on a fall day and the cold weather seems perfect. But on cold days like this, my body feels anything but perfect. As I hesitate to move from my warm bed, I already know today is going to be tough. I find the strength to sit up. Not too bad. My next step is to get out of bed. It’s a bit more challenging but I manage. Finally, it’s time for mission impossible: getting dressed and ready for another school day. I lean on the bed for complete support as I pull on my pants. The hardest part is buttoning. I hate buttons. They make me hurt too much. I wince as I try to get the shirt over my head. A tear rolls down my cheek as I try to brush my hair. I can’t grip the brush. After an hour struggle, today is a mission accomplished, but I’m not always so successful.

I’m twenty years old and I have systemic lupus. Lupus is an autoimmune disease where my white blood cells attack everything in my body. I’m one of the lucky ones they say. I only suffer from the arthritic symptoms. There are others who have heart conditions, kidney problems, lung issues, and people can die from this disease.

This morning I woke up with aching muscles, joint pain, swelling, and stiffness. It’s like living in a ninety year-old’s arthritic body. I can barely move. I hunch over so my body doesn’t feel too much pain, I limp because my knee is swollen and my feet hurt, and I can’t close my hand because the pain is too excruciating.

I was diagnosed with lupus when I was fifteen years old. I should be used to it by now. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to call mommy to tell her how I feel and to tell her that I need help buttoning my pants. I hate those buttons.